mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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