I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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