are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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