Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
