She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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