i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
