that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
