So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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