I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
