Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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