What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
