Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
