Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He passed out mid-signature
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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