This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
