Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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