Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
