then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
