This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
