Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
