the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize