She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
