I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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