Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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