exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
