i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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