Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
