my vag is so smooth its legendary
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize