We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
