i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
