I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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