i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
