Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
