I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
