Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
