Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
