That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
