I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
