Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
