Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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