so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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