So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
