She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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