I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
