very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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