Sry I called you an 8
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
