Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
