If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
