Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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