Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.