My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
