hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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