And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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