I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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