So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
