i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
