Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
