I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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