dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
