I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
