we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girls should come with a carfax report
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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