are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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