I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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