the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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