she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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