I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
