apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
