hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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