she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
