An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
